These are not really rules, but more like good suggestions, for being good at being frum in a largely secular work environment. The more people you work with the more dynamic, and therefore, complex, the environment. You can try to go through work passively so as not to bring attention to your Judaism, but it is likely that at some point or another somebody will bring it up or ask you a question in some way. Some people look for this and some rather just do their job and go home. Either way, I've used these golden rules to establish good relationships with the people I work with.
1. Chessed or Gevura?
Chessed refers to a behavioral pattern of reaching out and eliminating boundaries, while gevura refers to withholding and drawing inwards. This is useful in general when dealing with others, but can also be applied to how much Yiddishkeit to bring to the table as a topic of discussion. The fine line is important here because Judaism needs neither to be contraband or excessive. This is Israel and Israelis are Jews – if they want to speak with “one of us” about something Jewish, by all means let them. Just know that they won’t always hear what they want to, which can make things awkward and/or give them a bad taste of Judaism. The perfect fusion of both is tiferes and can be used at the workplace as a practical method.
2. Trust
There are not many outlets in Israel for Orthodox and secular Jews to interact with each other on a regular basis. If you go to work five days a week, by definition you are in a position create such an opportunity. Since some Israelis might have negative views of Orthodox Jews, they’ll eventually start wondering who this black and white frum guy is doing in our office on a regular basis. The fact that you’re doing the same work they are and know how to handle yourself in an industry starts to erode away at some of their stereotypes.
3. The Best Thing is Silence
If you don’t know how to answer something, are too bogged down with work to think straight, it is perhaps better to refrain from certain topics. Given the sensitive nature of certain subjects, it’s wise to discuss a topic with a few people at a time, not ten people during lunch when people are trying to look good in front of each other. People are often in a jovial mood during this time and are releasing the stress of work. By discussing Judaism in this environment you might be opening yourself (and Judaism) up to ridicule, even though what you’re saying isn't ridiculous. Certain topics in Judaism must be delivered tactfully, which is harder to do with a larger audience.
4. Mi LeHashem Elai!
This means “whoever is to God, join me,” and it’s what Moses said to the Jews after the worship of the Golden Calf. If you feel more comfortable with fewer people, you can gradually feel out one or two people who have an interest in Jewish topics and only talk to them about it. At a previous job I used to sit with one guy in particular when work was slow and get into Ramchal, Midrashim, and other deep Jewish topics. We are still in touch.
5. Be Jewish
Your frumkeit isn't a costume, it’s real. Do as you do when nobody’s around. Say al netilas yada’im out loud. Bentsch with kavana. Say asher yatzar when you leave the bathroom. Daven Mincha if there is one in your office, or do so alone, but don’t shy away from being seen. Let them know that Judaism exists, is real, and that you care about it. Even passive actions bring Judaism into the workplace – set down your tallis bag and siddur on your desk next to your cup of pens and telephone.
6. A Time to Kill
Most of the time people are civilized, but you might eventually meet a joker, or even a hater. The best first step is to momentarily pause and reflect before acting. Realize that this person most likely doesn't know what he’s talking about, so you don’t need to internalize anything he’s said. Nevertheless, you might not like to walk away from a verbal conflict appearing like you've been put in your place. You might have to be a bit creative here depending on the comment. For example, if someone says that Chareidim steal, you can say that what he knows about Chareidim is largely informed from what he sees on the news and less from he has personally experienced. It’s a brief, true statement that not many people can argue with. The point is not to kill opinions, but to draw out a truer examination. The next time he, or anybody who was there, wants to say that, they’ll think twice.
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