Venturing into the world of Jewish observance or self-improvement in general can be an awkward
experience, potentially fraught with criticism from others and temptations to
overcome. Some of these pitfalls are related to the sojourner’s awareness of
his own paradoxes, such as, “How can I become an observant Jew when I am still involved
in sin?” Such a question has the potential to decimate a person’s plan on
increasing his observance, and in some cases preventing one from even
considering it. When confronted with this question he tells himself, “Given my
less than ideal state, which, by the way, I enjoy, increasing my observance
would be hypocritical. Observance is something better left to those who are
ready, able, or desire to completely abandon such behavior.”
What is important to understand is that transforming from an
imperfect person to an immaculate angel overnight is not the stated goal of
Torah observance. While it would be ideal to completely abandon inappropriate
behavior, it is more realistic to wean off of it over a period of time. Judaism
does not consider it realistic, nor does it demand, that a person who seeks to
improve his character do so in one fell sweep. Rather, the Torah and its sages
are well aware that improvement is something which takes time and effort.
Jewish Law recognizes that an individual goes through a process of refinement
and renewal, and that such a process necessarily reflects the individual’s
ambition and capability to improve.
Further, Jewish wisdom and law understand that behavioral
tendencies are deeply entrenched within a person’s psyche – some of which are
positive and some of which are negative. It is the negative aspects which must
be weakened while the positive are reinforced, exercised, and eventually fine-tuned.
Therefore, in no way is incremental increase in observance
hypocritical or frowned upon. Much worst is when a spark of renewal bursts
asunder within a person, which he then squelches with anxiety, hesitation, and
in some cases fear and laziness. Regarding the attraction towards observance,
one should feel comfortable knowing that expressing that desire to any degree
is justified and encouraged.
What about when a person fails time and time again and falls into
sin? Does sin make repentance and observance useless? To the contrary,
repentance is encouraged, not mitigated, by a past splotched with sins. The
strong desire to sin is as well not a sign that one has failed. Rather, the
fact that a person is agitated by sinful desires proves that he has already
begun improving.
One great thing about religion is that is institutionalizes
morality in a way that secular idealism, some of which is noble, cannot. Then
the critic might ask, “What about the famous criticism stating that religion is
the opiate of the masses?” Doesn’t the inexistence of God undermine whatever
good is to be apprehended by believing in an absolute conscience? In other
words, believing in God might help you to behave well, but if God doesn’t
exist, then it’s just a form of control.
This requires two responses.
The first is the following possibility; even if God didn’t exist,
the God-driven desire to be a genuinely good person can work wonders in
self-improvement and enrichment. If we accept for the moment that the existence
of God is just an idea, it is an idea that fundamentally changes the way people
think and act. However, just because it makes things better, does it make it
true?
And this line of questioning took years to develop into a more
mature understanding of religion. While truth is an ultimatum that an individual
can never abandon, eventually one expands his understanding of truth to include
within it peace. For example, while a younger man might fight to the end for
the sake of defending truth, creating conflict with family and friends and even
ending relationships, the same person in a more mature state might seek a path
of peacemaking as a means to establish that same truth that years ago he would have
killed for. The fight for truth can never end, and I do not agree that
replacing a yearning for it in the external world with the internal world is
correct, for then it becomes only an idea. The truth can be illustrated more
accurately as follows:
Suppose that your wife comes to you with the classic "how do
I look" question? The aim of Truth cannot be a mere delivery of facts, but
rather a set of actions or words that arrives one at the necessary goal. In the
case of marriage, peace between husband and wife is the ultimate goal. If so,
the correct answer to the question of "how do I look" is anything
that will bring you and your wife together.
This is demonstrated most aptly by a short section of narrative
in the Book of Genesis. A careful reading of the following verses in Genesis
(18:11-1) teaches us a great lesson about the relationship between truth and
peacemaking:
Now Abraham and Sarah were old, coming on in years; Sarah had
ceased to have the way of the women. And Sarah laughed within herself, saying,
"After I have become worn out, will I have smooth flesh? And also, my husband
is old." And the Lord said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh, saying,
'Is it really true that I will give birth, although I am old?'"
Note that Sarah says that her husband is old, yet when God relates to Abraham what Sarah had
said, His words are that Sarah said that she
was old. In other words, God uses other words to relate Sarah's message. His
purpose for doing so was to act as a peacemaker between this every-holy couple
who loved each other so dearly and who together brought so many souls to God.
He was operating with a description of truth that goes beyond the mere delivery
of facts and definition of words, but focused on the desired outcome of the
words themselves. The desired outcome of words is peace, and therefore it is
truth. This does not provide one with an open ticket to say whatever he wants
and manipulate words until they are unrecognizable for the Torah also says that
one should not bear false witness, or lie. Words must operate within a specific
framework that does not violate the simple meaning. Perhaps it can be understood
that Sarah's statement that her husband is old indicates their closeness in
years. If Abraham is old, then so is Sarah, and so God's statement operates
within these parameters.
The resistance to forms of control is rooted in rejection of
doing things for the wrong reason. While control (and fear, for example) is not
the ideal reason to worship God, inexperience and immaturity sometimes require
it. The ideal motivation to worship God is love for God, but sometimes a person
must start with a more basic and perhaps easier concept, which is fear of sin.
Fear of sin is the safety net that protects a person from engaging
inappropriate behavior. With time and practice, fear of sin can be replaced
with love of God, but is virtually impossible to arrive at love of God without
first fearing sin.
Applying this concept to the larger search for Truth, a person
might one day realize that this very search must include within it aspirations
for peace with his neighbors, his friends, his family, with himself, and
ultimately with God. Peace not as an indifferent settlement or abandonment of
his ideals, but as an integration of a broader, more complete picture of more
sharply focused ideals.
How great are Your works, Hashem! Your thoughts are very deep. A
brutish man does not know, and a fool does not understand this. (Psalm 92: 6-7)
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